nero Diario

fiuuhhh..
i think i’ll have an ill..
i’m soooo pale..phsically and mentally exhausted..i need a long rest..

when i woke up this morning, i feel so weird..
suddenly my heart’s full of terible hatred..
that’s scare me out..
i mean..i never felt like this before..i never hate something before..
i think, this morning, what i felt, is not me..
i believe it’s not real me!!!
i think it just "i pretend" to hate  you..
i think, it just a "self preservation"…

Setelah perjuangan yang melelahkan..setelah tertatih-tatih menghadapi berjuta rintangan…(ex: terkena virus males, masalah sampel yang ga lengkap, hasil regresi yang ga signifikan, break-up story, godaan bwat nge-game)..
Akhirnya….
dengan ini, saya nyatakan…

Tetep aja skripsiku belom kela jugar!!!!

Damn!!!

Pak Mamduh…dosen pembimbingku tercinta….
cepet dibaca ya skripsiku (dibaca yang bener yak..), jangan banyak revisi, buruan di-acc..setujuin bwat pendadaran bulan depan….
toloooooooooooooooonnng….(dengan ekspresi memelas)

right now…i feel like i’m loosing u..
not just because i’ve lose someone who used to wake me up in the morning (u used to wake me up in 6.00 anyway), or lose someone who used to chat in the last night (eventhough it just an empty chat)
it’s more than that..
it’s feel like i lose my half lung..
my breath begin irregular..
i now i have to move on..but i don’t know how to start..
i miss u..love u..more than u think..
but, there’s nothing else to bring us back together..right?? (honestly, i still  hoping)
now, i have to wake up (somebody help me please..)..
i have to keep breathing…keep my heart beating..
eventhough from now on, my life won’t ever be the same…   

God, all this time i realize if i’ve been so unfair with You..
I feel like need You, pray in manner, and "be nice" only only when i have problems, feel sad and weak..n then, after i’m fine n happy, although I still pray, it looks like it’s because "i have to" not because "i need to"..
I’m really sorry for that..
Maybe that’s a "humman nature" or no, maybe it just "my nature"..i’m sorry,i’ll try to change later..
But this time, I beg You…
Give me Your light..so I can see which way to take and what decision to make..